K and I went to his high school reunion. At the pre-reunion party and I was faced with a table full of people, minus one, who I didn't know. I shook hands, introduced myself, we sat and we watched. People scurried in and hugged and commented on how great they looked. I looked at the people with whom my husband shares a small band of his history and the plethora of faces and individuals was stunning. One man and his wife, from Portland, looked as though they had just gotten off the plane, complete with long hair, pagan-esque jewelry and smiles. They were my favorite. My friend Natalie and her husband Jeff soon joined our table. I officially knew four people. Unfortunately, I didn't get to sit by or talk to the Portland folks because a former neighbor of my husband AND Natalie AND her husband, Jeff (God it's a small, inter-bred town) decided to commandeer the seat right across from us. I knew I was in trouble when she said to my friend, Natalie, "Okay, so don't think I'm bitchy, but...."
It was downhill from there because, indeed, she was bitchy and all I heard her do, the entire time she sat there, was gossip and whine about how "mean" Sally Sue and Debbie Jo were to her in high school and--although she's above it and so totally over it, "were they planning on coming tonight?"
Two words. Therapy.
Anyway. Portland Couple were too far away for us to talk to, so we just spoke to whomever popped down by us, who, incidentally, happened to be an old flame of K's. She was nice. Although, when she offered to whisk him away to the parking lot with some smuggled mini-bottles in an email sent to him earlier, she failed to invite me to her private party.
Eh, bygones.
What interested me the most were and are two women whom I met prior to the reunion night. One of the women was the sister of a friend of mine who took his own life recently. I blogged about it here and here. In the blog I talk about the Facebook page fiasco, where I tried--and failed--to bring some semblance of dignity and compassion to the situation for my friend's daughters, who were called out by one woman, insensitively, since it hadn't even been three days since their father's death, to "share some fun memories of him."
As usual, my attempt to ameliorate the obvious insensitivity backfired on me. In the fracas, rather than in the quiet of a private email like I had sent, the woman who had been insensitive made my intentions public in the hopes of getting all the other kids to gang up on me and pooh pooh my chastisement. It worked. I was "outed" as an atheist (oh my) and summarily my comments, ideas and attempt at compassion were rejected completely by everyone there.
His sister was at the reunion and it was fascinating to watch her completely ignore K and I as if we had The VD. I stood up for her brother, her nieces....and I am the pariah? Oh, that's right. I didn't take the positive spin like I ought to have. I should have kept my mouth shut, and sat in squeamish, wincing silence as the daughters were plied to "share, share, share!"
Happy, happy, joy, joy!
I know! Maybe they could talk about who found him! Oh, no, I know, let's talk about how he won't be there for the birth of their first child! Oh, but he WILL be there, won't he? In heaven.
The second woman had been my friend, and my friend Natalie's, and K's on Facebook until about...around that time. I met her at Natalie's wedding and she seemed a perfectly nice, pleasant person. She, too made it a point to obviously and pointedly snub K and me.
It's not that I care. I don't. What fascinates me about their snubbish-ness is their subsequent "happy, happy, joy, joy" on their Facebook reunion page, as if nothing was errant, nothing was wrong, nothing was uncomfortable...it was all just....happy!
AND I quote.
" love you, girlfriend...stay cool ;)"
This quote is from Faux Femme #2. This is to my friend, Natalie--Natalie, whom she de-friended on Facebook because Natalie doesn't believe in her religion anymore.
To you FF#2, I say, "Stay REAL!"
This heart-felt sentiment is from FF#1, my friend's sister.
"Wow I had an amazing summer.... but what a perfect ending. Last nights reunion was a blast. I was so fun seeing so many wonderful people from the past and catching up on where life has taken everyone.. I reconnected with so many wonderful friends. And thanks to everyone who came and shared the evening together.. The class of 81 is truly a class act.. LOVE YOU ALL.. thanks for the awesome memories.."
To you, FF#1 I say--"We LOVE you too. So very, very much."
Faux Femme #2 responded to FF#1's sentiment thusly:
"...thank you ___....everything you said is how I feel. You are a class act..."
Yes. Yes, yes, yes. It is so classy to snub people you know because they don't believe the same as you. It is so classy to pointedly ignore people who clearly loved someone you loved simply because they brought some compassion to the table.
Cuh-LASS-ACT.
Yes, we love you ALL, we adore and cherish you ALL, and we are happy, happy, joy, joy and FAKE FAKE as a pair of tits in L.A....
GOD BLESS, ladies! Thanks for showing up and showing who you really are. Don't worry, personal tragedy gives you license and permission to do anything you want, and treat anyone any way you want. It gives you privilege and no one will call you out, no one will cry "hypocrites"! because you, and only you, have suffered.
In conclusion, thanks for making K's trip down memory lane...a real trip.
Chowder
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